Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
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