Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
