I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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