I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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