Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
