I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
