just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize