sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
