i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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