Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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