Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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