I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
