Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
