He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
