i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
