you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
