when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
