If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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