You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
