I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
