Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
