There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
