we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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