yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
