and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
