Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have fence marks all over my body
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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