I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
