my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
