Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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