Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
