Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
