i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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