Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
