I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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