The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
His nipple licking is glorious
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