Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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