I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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