and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
