the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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