My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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