I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
