That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
a search helicopter?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
