how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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