this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize