so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
