How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
