booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize