After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So many bounce houses so little time
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
