and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
