Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
