im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize