I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Boobs are out for the taking
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
