Will you blow on my dice?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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