just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
