I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
