do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
