We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
