they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize