So drunk its hurt
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
