When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
