My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
