my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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