I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Boobs are out for the taking
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
