i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
