yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Mom said you looked used
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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