i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
