Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
