so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
