a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
