I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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