so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
