Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
