It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
