I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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