Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
