I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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