She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
