I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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