if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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