it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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