break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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