im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
