i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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