from now on my penis is your penis
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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