My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize