I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
