Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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