Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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