69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
