also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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