$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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