and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
