I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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