The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
