Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
