At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
