I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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