Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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