i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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